Relationship Advice Part III: Ending A Relationship

[this original text was written by DeRose and translated by Fabs] This is the final article in the series of three articles about relationships and the concepts of the DeRose Method. You can find the first and second articles here.  If you have decided that a partner and yourself can no longer work as a couple is it necessary to end the relationship altogether? Is it possible, and perhaps more civilised and compassionate, to evolve that relationship into something more subtle and meaningful?

Breaking up with someone who has shared so many moments of happiness, so much joy and so many intimate moments often feels like an act of violence that triggers terrible suffering for both parties. But is this the only way of thinking about it?

If we want to rethink, instead of simply kill, a relationship can we be open to the idea that the relationship needs a break or that it needs recycling into something different?

I believe that people should not distance themselves or avoid contact following a break up. It rarely makes sense to lose someone that provided so much joy just because you are in different stages of your evolution in terms of your life and your sexuality.

Instead, where possible, we should preserve these relationship, knowing that they have gone beyond the standard 'man & woman' relationship and have reached the exalted heights of two beings who are more than a couple, more than friends, more than siblings.

But most of all you must remember, at the end of one stage of a relationship and as another stage is being considered, you must behave with elegance and consideration for the other instead of the silliness that so many of us go through during a separation — the arguments, the attacks and the insults — instead of this, why not offer an attitude of generosity, which when you look back on, you feel pride for the way you behaved instead of shame.